Now my girl is on the cusp of starting school, excitement building and uniforms bought. Labels being sewn into too big jumpers and coaxing her into trying on her new shiny shoes (that she'll scuff probably within the first few hours). I get the whole 6 weeks thing, I really get it.
It's not about her adjusting to a new phase, a new school year and new beginnings. It's for me, the emotional parent, the woman who will sob on her first day (even writing that has made me cry!). My husband is taking the day off on her first day and although he is keen to see her off on her first momentous day, he's made it clear to colleagues and me. He is taking the day off because he knows she'll be ok but well me, that'll be a different story. He pitched it as "my wife will be all sorts of crazy that day so I'll need to support her, but her coffee and pass her tissues".
I'd like to pretend that he is exaggerating (he isn't). So this summer holiday season has been all about preparing me, giving my girl extra squeezes and crisps with lunch and looking at the clock thinking 'soon I won't know what she'll be up to at quarter past one in the afternoon!'
Because it's the not knowing what my girl is up to for six hours a day and when I try and wheedle out information about her day and who she played with, all I'll get is 'I can't remember!'
Oh and that it signifies that she's growing up! No longer a preschooler but a fully fledged big little girl who can't wait to grow up.
I'm trying to jam my brain full of snugly afternoon cuddles and our little three amigos days. Yes I'll still get weekends but it's a different dynamic and a tired girl from all the frenzied activity of the week. I'm hoping she will have a blast without me and it won't bother her at all, meanwhile I'll do my swan impression - all calm exterior but turmoil beneath.