27 May 2012

Baby Boss

I never realised before (I suppose nobody does) how tough this 'having children' job really is. I love Bubba but sometimes it is a job with the worst boss in the world and there are incredible highs and crushing lows. The time off sucks - I used to think when I worked full time that a 30 minute lunch break was an injustice, now I think 'wow, a whole 30 minutes to myself, no small child tugging at my leg'. I go to work now to have a break.

Busy working at my desk!

I'm always taking one step forward and 150 back. I can often be found crying at the end of the day or beginning (alongside Bubba sometimes). It feels like those first few weeks in a new and strange corporate environment when you are 17. No two days are the same and yet every day is like ground hog day in our house. The hours are terrible, I always seem to be on call all day and all night!

The training is terrible, there is no manual, it's all hands on training and I'm told every new addition is different so you can't swot up on the right way to act. Self doubt creeps all over me and makes me itch with indecision when faced with a toddler that has an opinion of her own. Am I doing this right, should it be this hard? Or do I just need to man up! The feedback is often misleading from the small person.

The one phrase I often mutter (as do my friends) is 'I feel like a bad mum for' ...insert your own guilty thoughts...mine are for not doing things sooner or forgetting something or even being unable to stop little one from falling over. We all say this but aren't we just doing the best we can in the situation we are given? There are no appraisals or key targets to hit other than getting the washing out of the machine and the child fed and watered but even when you don't have a line manager or divisional director breathing down your neck, the pressure is still on.

I used to think it was a difficult job when she was younger but I had no idea. Now it's crawling, walking (holding on) climbing and telling me what I'm doing wrong in an angry tirade of mumbles and finger pointing. If she wasn't so adorable and funny and cute I'd have tried finding another job for more money and less hours. But I always have fun with her so I guess this is the best job I'm ever going to get the opportunity to do.
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