9 Jul 2012

Nursery Nightmares - Mine and Bubba's

Bubba has started going to nursery every Wednesday and she isn't really enjoying the whole experience so far. It's been a month now and she still cries when I drop her off (she clings on to my shoulder and has to be prised off my body) as I shout a cheery goodbye, waving like a maniac as I head for the door. Once outside I usually have a little weep that I'm purposely doing something she doesn't like, it feels like its going against all that I've tried to do since she was born.

I know that I'll have to do all of this when she is going to school but it just seems tough when she doesn't realise why I'm going or if I'll be back. It doesn't help that she only goes one day a week and on Tuesday nights I have a really bad night sleep, I get the Sunday night blues (which I don't normally get because I like my work) and I usually have nightmares. I hate the dread I feel as I walk into nursery and being hyper happy mum in the process, last week the crying started in the car park before we'd even made it out of the car.

Bubba has now started going on a hunger strike at nursery during the day so instead of them giving her breakfast, we do that at home before we set off. I was lulled into a false sense of security as on her very first day she ate everything put in front of her at nursery (probably comfort eating as her mother does!). But now she will eat a yoghurt or piece of bread and that is it (she is meant to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with them) and when I get her home she eats her dinner like a woman possessed so I know its a life choice she is making (rather than just hating the food). Besides, this is a little girl who has no problem eating and enjoys her food mostly.

I wonder at what point do we decide that this isn't the right nursery or she would be better doing something else? Does this u-turn become less helpful because lets face it, we all have to do things we don't like and the sooner we get that out the way the better. It's just hard to watch her not enjoying the leaving me and the fact that I'm doing this on purpose to her, how will I know if she is truly unhappy or just needs to get used to the situation (seeing as it hasn't been that long so far)?

This is all sending my guilt levels to dangerous levels and I find myself buying her stuff to make up for it, which doesn't help my husbands blood pressure in the slightest! My mum used to have a similar experience with me, I had to be dragged into Brownies but really enjoyed it once there, so I'm hoping this will be a similar thing for Bubba.
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