11 Oct 2012

The Struggle

When I started this blog I made a (subconscious) decision to never moan about any individuals or situations here...mainly because it is in print for all to see for an eternity. Plus it's just not my style and if I want Bubba to read this blog when she is older then I want the memories and events to be nice ones.

I've realised that this can leave things rather fluffy and one dimensional. I often ready the glossy blogs where the photos are gorgeous and the kids seemingly well behaved. Although I'm slightly addicted to them (just as I am to those lovely glossy magazine) I'm sometimes left feeling deflated.

My life doesn't feel as shiny, my child isn't as well behaved and I often compare my life negatively against the seemingly brilliant mothers with great hair and angelic children. Hubby is always telling me not to compare as you never know what goes on behind closed doors but I still do. I feel pressure to take bubba more adventurous places at the weekend rather than the supermarket but we don't always achieve this. Besides she seems to have fun walking up and down the aisles picking up things. Isn't that what's its all about in the long run,she won't remember the boring bits.
Bubba likes looking in the bin

Anyway, I digress, I need to confirm that motherhood is a struggle for me and I have days, weeks and months where I wonder why no one told me beforehand how hard it is (usually as bubba is moaning and dribbling all around the house, I've run out of milk and forgot to get dinner out of the freezer!) There are the shiny, happy, sparkly days where everything goes right, my child is an angel and I look like I'm doing it all easily. I stress, these are the odd 'days' and what I probably won't say is that I slept on bubba's floor from 3am because she couldn't settle, I feel like death and just want to lay in the corner eating food that doesn't fit with my diet!

There is a mothers unsaid code where we all compare and berate ourselves and succumb to 'guilt' at the drop of a hat. My guilt list is longer than any Christmas list I've ever had and I'm always adding to it - guilt for taking her to nursery, not playing enough 'new' games, letting her go hungry when she refuses another meal...I could go on.

I need to stop and take a breath and realise a lot of people are happier with a lot less. I'm lucky in so many ways and bubba is loved and loving and I'm doing my best. We are all doing our best but it is a struggle and probably always will be. I've just got to remember this when I scroll through glossy photos of non dribbling children and mothers looking fabulous, it's obviously one of their 'shiny days' and it'll be my turn again soon.
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