27 Jun 2013

Erm...when did she become a toddleteen???

So I was always prepared for the nappy changing, resigned myself to the sleepless nights, heard best practice for weaning and potty training (the latter we've yet to put into practice). The 'terrible twos' is never going to be something you can side step but the toddleteen, where did she come from?

My beautiful, sweet and loving daughter (prone to a few minor and I mean minor diva moments (lucky so far although will probably have to eat my words)) morphed into a slouchy, eye rolling, death stare...wannabe teenager! Or toddleteen as I'm now labelling her.

I can ask her to do something and I get a huge, epic type sigh before she gives me the death stare. If you haven't got kids or are yet to witness the death stare, all I can say is that the first one you see will leave you with chills down your spine. Your head will snap back and your brain will shout loudly in your ear "she didn't just...not it's not possible, surely I didn't see...did she just? Nah you are imagining it...oh yes she did!" before you meekly slink out of her line of gaze. Its terrifying that a two year old can have that much disdain for the woman who birthed her and then spent the best part of two years answering to her every whim!

The death stare then changes to a blank expression and the word 'No' trickles from those perfect little lips. Arms cross and there.is.no.going.back! This child will literally not be moved. No amount of cajoling, bribery and tomfoolery will reverse the death stare.

SHE LOUNGES...sorry that has to be in shouty caps purely for its unbelievability! She will semi throw herself onto furniture (not to be confused with a tantrum which is done with intent) this is more a propping up the bar type lounge. Anywhere, everywhere and as casual as you like.

She calls me 'silly mummy' and I don't think anyone has taught her to say that (well at least I hope they haven't). She just decided to label me as the village idiot of our family for no other reason than I'm obviously inferior in intelligence to her (or that's how it feels most days when she out foxes me even before 8am in the morning). This also goes alongside laughing at me - not because I've done something funny but because she thinks I'm simply funny stupid!

I get a condescending pat on the arm/back/head from her (see above).

She tries to steal my shoes - although if she was a real teenager then she probably wouldn't be seen in any of my so out of date fashion clothes so perhaps I'm still safe at the moment.

For anyone yet to get to this point, it's not all bad because I still see glimpses of the little girl I once knew (admittedly these are getting few and far between but they are still there) and even better, I get the opportunity to look forward to the strong minded, witty and utterly brilliant (no bias here folks!!!) young woman that I'll get the pleasure of knowing. If she loves me as much as I love my mum then we'll get through it and come out the other end as friends and family.

oh...and she thinks she can drive...

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