16 Sept 2013


We've had a bit of a roller coaster few months what with moving house and getting pregnant.

The move itself was hassle free and we were in our new home less than three months after putting an offer in on it. The pregnancy so far has been the most stressful aspect for me. I've found it so hard second time around (far harder than I remember before) with hormones, morning sickness and looking after a very active and cheeky toddler. I spent a lot of time moping and crying and generally feeling helpless as the hangover feeling started early each morning (often waking in the night feeling sick) and continues until bedtime. Mixed with the exhaustion, at times it has been debilitating and I question a lot whether I'm going to be able to cope with two children and if this was the right time to be pregnant in the first place.

I'm quite close to the edge most days fighting the 'down' feelings and getting very tearful. Poor hubby has to keep bringing me back from the edge and comforting me that I am a good mum and our daughter will revel in having a sibling (obviously not all the time!) and this is as good a time as any to make us a family of four. I'm ashamed to say at times I've resented being pregnant and it puts the fear of god into me that I may have jinxed my luck in some way by admitting it. But it's true, I've felt like that and no one really talks about the negative feelings and insecurities. I'm supposed to be happy and earth motherish the whole time because I've been here before and it's such a blessing.

This week I feel I've turned a corner, I'm still feeling as rough but I've managed to do things like cook dinner whilst entertaining Bubba and not spent the whole time listlessly berating my short comings. Looking at my girl and seeing how wonderful she is has made me appreciate my situation. I'm sick and tired but this will pass and I've been given a wonderful opportunity to grow another human and it's not supposed to be easy.

I've even enjoyed sitting on my baby's floor as I listen to her soft breath as she drifts off to sleep. It's not a perfect situation but I'm grateful the clever, quirky little thing belongs to me and actually wants me around still. 

In short (after rambling on) life is good and I do appreciate all I have. I still think morning sickness should just go do one though...finding it hard to appreciate that!
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