31 Mar 2014

Hormonal Musings - week 39

I can't believe I'm in the home straight now! As my mum keeps saying "it's days now, count in days". It seems to have been a long old road I've travelled this time, emotionally and physically. I guess that's age and the life we already have created. There's more to think about this time and more people to consider.

I've had a tough week during my 38th week, at the weekend I experienced a splattering of contractions, on Saturday morning and evening, then on Sunday severe back pain (similar to period pain) which left me stuck to the sofa with a hot water bottle feeling crap. My whole back would seize up and Monday I couldn't really move even to climb the stairs. Hubby took the day off work and sorted Bubba out whilst I moped around generally ate cakes and wondered how I'd cope!

Tuesday I was a bit sore and all I wanted to do was stay close to home. No pain, apart from trying to get in and out of the car. Wednesday saw a breakthrough and I think the weekend was just my boy burrowing deeper and dropping because my bump has moved down considerably.

Now I feel like a different woman, my poor feet that have spent the last few weeks painfully swollen and I've been unable to stand on for any length of time, have now miraculously gone back to normal. I have my feet back and it makes such a difference in the way I spend my days.

I've started getting more emotional again, I cry if I see a newborn, talking about babies or waving my little girl off at preschool. Anything really but in a nice way rather than I'm scared and tired.

I'm suddenly more positive about labour, I really was loosing the plot about how painful it might be. I feel more powerful now, a sort of cavalier 'bring it on' attitude. 

Two things helped, one was realising I've done it before and created this gorgeous little girl and can do it all again. The second was reading a post on 'Gas and Air' where a labouring woman explained how the pain came and went and built up (also that it was her body working with her). It sounds stupid now but it was an epithany for me...to realise it's not my body 'out to get me' but to help me meet my boy. I've been spending so long focusing on the last frantic bit of labour where it all gets intense and one long contraction but hopefully I'll be eased into that point.

I'm nesting big time too, got all the last bits and pieces I didn't want to think about out of cupboards to make sure I have it all ready.

I've still got a huge love of bbq sauce (cannot get enough of it in last few weeks!!). I even plan meals around the sauce, I know...madness.

Sleep is getting harder now, I wake up usually around 4am, have a wee and then can't sleep for the next hour. Then Bubba wakes around 5am and either hubby goes to her or the last few days she has come into our bed. I'm hoping the clock change means this is now 6am instead but we wil have to see!!

26 Mar 2014

Dare to be different

I embrace all my daughters charming little traits. She can be quirky and funny and endearing yet cheeky all in the same day...sometimes the same hour!

But what I love most (& also worry most about) is her individuality. My girl isn't into princesses or conforming to the ideal Disney girl. The only concession is Merida from Brave but as Disney princesses go she is the furthest from frothy and pink. The thing that interests my girl about this particular princess is that she carried a bow and arrow! 

We went into the Disney store, past all that glitters and straight to an intimidating looking bow and arrow set. We didn't buy it but every day she asks for it and every day I tell her 'when you are bigger'.

For world book day, I sent her to preschool as Merida but as soon as she arrived she changed into a crocodile costume (much to the delight of the staff) and stayed as a croc the whole session.

Whilst we watch the film she doesn't pretend to be the heroine but the horse and she'll gallop around the house like mad. Oh and she also likes to dress up as the bear from the film...

I'm going to embrace my funny little persons ideas because she may change the world one day.


23 Mar 2014

Turning Three

I have been emotional this last couple of weeks...more emotional than normal.

My girl, my baby, has turned three

It's snuck up on me.

Obviously I remember when she was born and she seemed so small and it was hard to imagine she would get bigger and be able to talk and walk and not need me 24/7. But it's happening...

She has spent a last few weeks looking through the Argos catalogue and the Early Learning Centre booklet pointing out all the things she wanted for her birthday. Even a couple of weeks later she is still picking things up in shops and saying "Me's want this for my birthday". Honestly she's not as materialistic as she sounds and most of the things could be household objects - not even toys!

We decided to get her a slide for the garden because she only had a little slide which my friend had passed on to us and she had outgrown this. Within a few minutes she was going down the slide backwards, on her knee's and head first, without fear and at one point at her party she was caught (with her cousin) trying to get on her scooter at the top of the slide with the intention of scooting down it!!
On the day of her party we had glorious sunshine (which isn't bad for early March) and surrounded by family, Bubba had a great day. It's her last birthday as an only child and I'm sure by next year there will be lots of squealing when her baby brother is trying to steal her presents or help her open them.
It was only after this picture was taken that I realised how close she really was to that candle!!


20 Mar 2014

An older mother

I never realised I was an older mother until I got around to having my first baby (aged 35) and it was only after going to numerous baby groups that I realised a lot of the mothers where in their mid twenties or very early thirties and I'll always regret leaving it so long to have children. I'm not ancient by anyone's standards but from following people on Instagram and Twitter I realise that I'm on the older side of motherhood with lots of mothers with older children saying that they are yet to reach 30 - and they often have at least two children!

The truth is that I didn't meet the right man until the grand old age of 31, I knew before then that I wanted children in my future. At six months into our relationship I told him that yes I wanted kids and within the next few years and if it wasn't something he wanted then he needed to go away and let me get on. I know! proper bunny boiler stuff but at the time he was often saying 'I'm not sure I'll get married or have kids' so I wanted him to know what he was getting himself into as well. I would have been devastated if he had walked away but couldn't imagine living a half life where one of us had very different views on such an important decision.

Luckily he was mostly full of hot air on the subject and was just saying what he thought he should say as a jack the lad! I managed to snare him into my web and we were living together within two years, a year later engaged and then married and with a newborn by the following year (well we got married 10 months after getting engaged and bubba was born four months later!).

Before meeting him, I had a lot of fun and in some ways I wouldn't change that for the world, I travelled and had my own flat, I worked hard and had lots of fun with my best friends. Now I look back and know I did everything that I wanted to do and hope to travel far more when our little people are older but then I'll be a lot older too. I know I can't turn back time and change when we met or had a child but I do wonder what the hell I was doing for so long!

I feel older now and when I went to classes with Bubba, the majority of the women were younger and slimmer than me. I felt out of place but hadn't really realised why until we started pre school and there are a lot of mums with more children than me and are visibly younger. Being pregnant I'm sure would have been easier if I was younger, the lack of sleep would be easier and I'd be staring 30 in the face rather than the dreaded 40 (although I do have a couple of years until that). But still I will be 40 with a 2 year old and a 5 year old whereas family and friends are hitting the same mark but with 10 year olds...that's got to be easier to deal with.

18 Mar 2014

Prego...I'm so 'over it'

What pregnancy really means to me..

As I lay here feeling like a beached whale in my 38th week, here are some of my (sometimes superficial) musings.

I have no energy which in turn makes me feel like a rubbish mother to my 3 year old. She doesn't get that mummy can't run up and down without pee'ing myself or feeling like labour may start any minute.

I can't wait to have a runny egg, lashings of smoked salmon and loads of pate.

Right now I am sh*t scared of labour, I'd like to cross my legs and hide in a cupboard until it's all over.

I really want this baby out! I know, when matched with the statement above it shows how mixed up this sherzaz really is.

I want to be able to sleep whatever way I like without waking myself up as I do a 55 point turn just to bloody move half an inch.

I need to believe my belly button will go back to an inny (the toddler checks it every day and looks rather disgusted as it pokes it's way out more each time!)

On that note please can I have my feet back and not these inflated party sausages. As for my hands...carpal tunnel syndrome - I hate you and your painfulness.

My wedding and engagement ring better fit once this is over and my hands return to their normal slim selves, not like the (a bit too bubbly) assistant in the jewellers mused that 'they may stay that way'. Thanks love!! I guess it might mean more diamonds in the long run if they don't fit.

I'm not sure how I'll cope with severe lack of sleep and a toddler whose mission seems to be to try and break me when I least expect it.

I'd love my hubby to experience childbirth the way a woman does. It's great he's supportive but it's hard to agree 'we are in this together'. He got the fun part of creating this new life.

My toddler treats my additional girth as an extra climbing frame. Hubby said I look 'skinny from behind'. So I heard "fat in the front".

People: please stop telling me how huge I look because I was thinking I look slimmer than the last pregnancy where I was described as having 'a bit more padding'.

I wish my MIL hadn't told me that she was 'never that large' in pregnancy and on at least two occasions commented that I'm going to have a large baby. I'm not (I hope) because I don't measure large!

I'm going to miss taking 'bumpies'. I literally take loads!

Did I mention I'm scared of child birth and the pain? Oh I did...now where's that bunker I can hide in?!?

It aggrieves me that I cannot get my plate near enough to my body at meal times. I drop at least part of each meal down my bump...it's as if I don't know where my mouth is anymore.

Heartburn: I hate you!

My baby moving is very comforting but also hugely painful now! 

I'm bored of getting myself stuck on the sofa, dropping things and being unable to pick them back up in a dignified way.

These crazy hormones can do one...I am on my last nerve and anyone can get on it!

I'm tired of being in control...of the toddler, my hormones, dinnertime and what to put in a hospital bag...amongst other things.

My friends advice today made me laugh and I love her for it:
"Everything is already in place this time. The track is all there, so just opens up again whereas first time around your body wonders what the hell is going on."

I'm going to miss rubbing my bump and feeling like I'm actually doing something worthwhile.

I made hubby go out and buy me BBQ sauce this week. I hate bbq sauce! But yet here I am, slathering it on every meal like there is no tomorrow. That's how mixed up this all is.

I love that the toddler thinks a snail is coming out rather than a crying baby. She wants a pet snail at the moment.

I feel selfish for thinking about half the things above. I want to be all 'zen' and loved up with this experience but it's difficult.

I'm more sure than ever that this will be my last pregnancy. Which leaves me feeling relieved but already sad!!!

17 Mar 2014


37 week bump
I've spent the last few weeks feeling rather scared of child birth, realising that now, no matter what happens - there is no going back and  it's going to hurt very very soon and there is nothing I can do about it!

Strangely I'm more scared having baby number two than I was with my first, then it was all more exciting and I couldn't wait to meet my baby. This time I'm more scared of not being able to cope in childbirth, the pain and what I'm going to do with Bubba if I go into labour whilst we are alone. Every few days I break down in front of hubby and say I don't think I'll be able to cope with the pain.

First time around I had a straight forward labour and birth, admittedly it was a long first stage labour which stretched over three days but on day four (after one sweep on day one) when I arrived at hospital I was 6cm dilated and continued to progress nicely until four hours into being in hospital I was ready to push and push and push...an hour later and minor tear, I had delivered a healthy and happy girl. 12 hours after that I was back home and dazed with a newborn.

I've been having regular braxton hicks and also over a few days at week 37 some practice contractions and lower back pain. I was slightly taken aback by the pain and whilst in it I coped ok but afterwards I would fall apart slightly and dread the real thing.

I'm going to mention my fears to the midwife but I've not really got it straight in my own mind what my biggest fear is. I regularly get conflicting emotions, all I know is that I don't want to think about it, I don't want to go into labour but I also want to try and have a natural birth again!


16 Mar 2014

Hospital Bag - What's going in mine

This time around I chose a gorgeous change bag (although it's a lot more than a nappy bag) from Mia Tui, that doesn't look like a change bag. I decided to also use this as my hospital bag to get some use out of it before baby arrives.

I've really dithered about what to put into my bag and what I put in last time (everything but the kitchen sink!). The bag is so big with loads of great compartments which makes it easy to see everything. There was so much I didn't use and really didn't need to take but then I also worry that like a holiday there will be that one thing you decided to leave behind but realise you could have done with really.

After my last labour I threw away a lot of things I couldn't bare looking at so have pretty much gone out and got new sleepwear and other bits and pieces. I've also worried more about how many nappies I need this time, my own pads and bits and bobs I should take, weird really seeing as nearly everything you can buy (or send hubby home for) at the blink of an eye.

So this time I've gone for only the essentials...which for me, starts with a magazine. I am a magazine addict and fritter away too much money on them which I'm not even going to try and justify!

Next would be snacks, in my bag will be a selection of brunch bars. Last time around I was starving by the time bubba and I got onto the ward (about 4am) and I also missed breakfast. So my first foray into food was when my mum came and visited with biscuits. Not ideal as an after labour experience waiting that long!

Then it's the boring but essentials such as face wipes, travel size toiletries and tissues. A flannel and towel because these aren't provided by our hospital.

I've got fluffy socks as my feet freeze at the best of times. Slippers for walking around on the ward to go off to the loo or find where to collect my food from. Pj's, a nightie and loads of dark knickers that I got on the cheap. I'm not a fan of the paper knickers as I felt less than attractive anyway without adding them into the mix.

Originally I was going to put the baby's clothes in the bag as well. Last time around hubby had to make an emergency trip because we left the bag behind. But at the last minute I decided to do a seperate bag again because it makes life a little easier if hubby is routing through the bag trying to find things.

So now I'm all packed, all I really need is the baby to arrive in a timely fashion! 


6 Mar 2014

Hormonal Musings - 36 weeks

Time seems to be passing quickly now and I can't believe that in four weeks time  I'll be bump less with babe in arms.

At my 34 week appointment the midwife was a bit wishy washy about whether baby was head down or not but eventually said 'I think he is but he's still free' so I'm guessing she was covering all bases in case he wasn't.

This week I went for a follow up appointment with the consultant about my moods and he happily signed me off and wished me a happy delivery (I'm still going to be monitored post pregnancy in case the blues hit hard). He checked bump whilst I was there and established in seconds that my boy was definitely head down and 3/4ths engaged. I felt euphoric the rest of the day which is strange seeing as I'd almost got to the stage where I thought having a c-section would be preferable because I'm getting scared at the thought of labour. But now my maternal instincts are kicking in and I want to birth my baby...fairly surreal feeling.

I also spoke to the midwife and she asked if I'd considered home birth and I'm not against it but just hadn't really considered it an option for me. I heard myself say "perhaps for the next baby I will". She said she was impressed I was talking about baby number three...so was I really because until now I've been adamant two is enough. See this is what hormones do to us women!!!

I'm a lot more relaxed about bubba's lack of sleep, lack of eating and general toddler cheekiness and we've been muddling through on copious amounts of cake and rubbish. It's something I'll tackle after I've got this new baby into the world. I've come to realise there is only so much I can do and getting through is good enough at the moment.

I'm still trying to listen to my hypnobirth cd but I keep falling asleep during it so not sure what good it's doing at the moment. I'm really anxious about birth and labour which is odd because first time around I had a straight forward birth experience with only gas and air.

I'm starting to swell big time now. Woke up with attractive face swelling the other day and my feet in the last few days have started to balloon throughout the day and  I'm struggling with shoes. But it's not too bad as I've got only a short time left now.

I've developed a desire to eat pineapple and exotic fruit chunks from the little cartons you get in supermarkets. If you gave me a bowl full of fruit prepared I wouldn't be as keen, it's the eating out of the pot that's doing it for me. Such a bizarre craving.


Preparing a Toddler...

...To becoming a big sister

It's no secret that Bubba is hoping that in this bump there is a kitten or a puppy or a bunny.

She likes talking about her 'new baby brother' and telling me about all the toys we can buy him. I'm unconvinced though because at preschool she is learning about pets and as she is a huge animal lover (obsessively so) she is convinced it should be a kitten rather than a baby.

So I'm going to try and prepare her for the noisy ones arrival.

First up is this book

We already had the potty training book which she enjoys reading. This book covers all the subjects swiftly and easily from an always crying baby to feeding and spending time with mummy and daddy.

Bubba was less than impressed by the first reading (although this was just after an almighty crying fit because I'd woken her from a late impromptu nap). She read it again with daddy and it got a slightly better reception and she also took it out to show nanny but she does lose interest in it fairly quickly. I'm hoping it's a slow burn type of book and she can take snippets from it when her brother arrives.

Next on this list is putting together a box of goodies (as my lovely baby shower friends suggested) for when I'm otherwise engaged with the blue one. I have no idea what to put in at this stage to impress her (& keep her occupied for a while). She isn't really into colouring or the like and prefers using her imagination to pretend she's a cat or dog or horse. I think I might go down the dvd and stickers and normal books route, throw in a few treats of chocolate and I'm half way there.

Bubba has an aversion to dolls and anything baby and although she has a toy pram, she throws the doll out and pushes an empty pram around or stuffs loads of animals in. The offending pram is now in the garage and she hasn't missed it at all, so I'm not going to get a doll for her to change at the same time as I change the baby (although I may get a toy dog or something because I'm sure that'll go down better).

It's definitely going to be interesting once he is here...any ideas what else I can do?


3 Mar 2014

Dinotastic - Parragon Book Buddy Review

We have been sent our latest Parragon Book buddy set. Much excitement from Bubba as it's all about Dinosaurs.

"Ah me love all these things" bubba aged 2 (almost three).

Although these books are aimed at older children (6+), Bubba got stuck in straight away with the stickers and I explained what we needed to do and where each one should go. We spent a good 30 minutes talking about it and sticking away. 

She also likes the stretchy dinosaur that comes with the book.

"Me lucky, me love my new toy" whilst stretching the green stretchy dinosaur.

The story behind these books are focused on four young dinosaurs with superpowers and they have to protect 'New Dino City'. There is a range of books from stickers and colouring to a doodle book. 

There is more of the range available at: www.dinosupersaurus.com and can be purchased from the main retailers.

For more info visit Paragon Books

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