20 Mar 2014

An older mother

I never realised I was an older mother until I got around to having my first baby (aged 35) and it was only after going to numerous baby groups that I realised a lot of the mothers where in their mid twenties or very early thirties and I'll always regret leaving it so long to have children. I'm not ancient by anyone's standards but from following people on Instagram and Twitter I realise that I'm on the older side of motherhood with lots of mothers with older children saying that they are yet to reach 30 - and they often have at least two children!

The truth is that I didn't meet the right man until the grand old age of 31, I knew before then that I wanted children in my future. At six months into our relationship I told him that yes I wanted kids and within the next few years and if it wasn't something he wanted then he needed to go away and let me get on. I know! proper bunny boiler stuff but at the time he was often saying 'I'm not sure I'll get married or have kids' so I wanted him to know what he was getting himself into as well. I would have been devastated if he had walked away but couldn't imagine living a half life where one of us had very different views on such an important decision.

Luckily he was mostly full of hot air on the subject and was just saying what he thought he should say as a jack the lad! I managed to snare him into my web and we were living together within two years, a year later engaged and then married and with a newborn by the following year (well we got married 10 months after getting engaged and bubba was born four months later!).

Before meeting him, I had a lot of fun and in some ways I wouldn't change that for the world, I travelled and had my own flat, I worked hard and had lots of fun with my best friends. Now I look back and know I did everything that I wanted to do and hope to travel far more when our little people are older but then I'll be a lot older too. I know I can't turn back time and change when we met or had a child but I do wonder what the hell I was doing for so long!

I feel older now and when I went to classes with Bubba, the majority of the women were younger and slimmer than me. I felt out of place but hadn't really realised why until we started pre school and there are a lot of mums with more children than me and are visibly younger. Being pregnant I'm sure would have been easier if I was younger, the lack of sleep would be easier and I'd be staring 30 in the face rather than the dreaded 40 (although I do have a couple of years until that). But still I will be 40 with a 2 year old and a 5 year old whereas family and friends are hitting the same mark but with 10 year olds...that's got to be easier to deal with.
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