27 Apr 2014

How we are coping...Day 12

The funny thing about babies is that they sleep loads! Well our one does during the day at least, by 3am his tummy troubles have had him up and grumbling for over an hour. It seems he wants to be asleep but is either over stimulated or having a hard time with wind.

During the day I find it hard to relax and realise he isn't going to do anything more than eat, sleep and be awake for awhile each day. How did I never get things done when Bubba was small!! And how was it so hard, now a challenging toddler is definitely harder work than a newborn!

I wasn't sure how I felt about giving him a dummy and when to do it but I caved in the other night (and then felt like a massive failure for doing so!). It's stupid really and mainly a hormonal response I think because Bubba had a dummy from early on and still does but I never felt it a failing on my part, more a life saver. With our little man I suddenly felt out of control and unable to soothe him myself.
He seemed fairly relaxed afterwards considering this was his 'before' face.

Bubba has been slowly getting used to her baby brother. It's a definite slow burn and we haven't pushed her to get involved. At first she was very catious and also acting out by having a few massive tantrums. But it was also preschool holidays so think a bit of cabin fever had set in. Yesterday she asked to help give him his bottle and she sits and watches him if I leave the room.

I've noticed my patience is fairly thin on the ground with her at the moment. I'm running on empty (what new parent isn't) and she pushes all my buttons, I'm sure it'll sort itself soon (I'm hoping). I keep forgetting that it's a huge transition for her too (heck I spend most of my time feeling overwhelmed so can't imagine how a three year old brain tries to process it all!). I've also tried to accommodate Bubba as much as possible. If she asks for a cuddle whilst I have cub then she climbs on too, it's not the most comfortable experience but I've got to knees and arms so more than enough room for my babies.

We have been fairly actively out and about and lots of people have commented on this. But when you have a toddler who has to go preschool, what else can you do! It's only been to the supermarket so nothing too exciting. 

My mum and I even managed a quick trip  with cub to The Baby Show at Bluewater on Saturday. I must admit it did get a little overwhelming and we only stayed for about an hour. I got to see the Shnuggle baby bath that I've been coveting (& since purchased online). I'll put a review up when it's arrived and we do our first bath.

I'm healing well and can do more things each day but I do struggle with the tiredness. Hubby goes back to work this week and I'm really worried how I'm going to cope alone with two kids. I guess only time will tell and if nothing else, it gets us one step closer to real life again. I feel like we've been living in a bubble these last two weeks!

I find it hard not to just stare and kiss my cub all the time. He looks exactly like his sister at the same age and I seem to have produced another one that looks alarmingly like hubby.

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23 Apr 2014

Life Lately

It's been a bit quiet around here lately and that's because of this...


My longed for boy finally arrived after days and days of on/off first stage labour.
Above is my last shot as 'pregnant' before we hit the hospital.

He was nearly two weeks late (I narrowly missed being induced) and at 9lb 1oz, fully baked.

His sister looks on with an air of indifference mixed with catious wonderment. 

He cries and sleeps and eats, I can't stop kissing his soft cheeks, stroking the fine hair on his head and nuzzling his little neck. It's a love thang!
His clothes don't fit and he is dainty but long. I find it hard not to keep taking photos all the time...


We got some great gifts and people have visited (our families pulled out all the stops, bringing cake, coffee and coissants galore). I feel lucky and loved.

My new obsession, it feels like he has always been here.

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14 Apr 2014

The things she says...age 3


"Me don't want to leave my eyes open"
Whilst struggling with staying awake at 5.30pm after no nap.

"Why me still three?"
The day after she turned three, when asked how old she wanted to be, she said "five"

"Just cool down mummy"
When I'm telling her off, I think they used to say this at nursery when the children got too noisy

"This is going to be lively compost"
whilst filling a upturned activity tunnel with loads of toys and coats etc. We have no idea why she mentioned compost or where she has ever heard that phrase!

"Don't worry mummy, everthing going to be ok"
when I'm crying in front of her, the last time in the supermarket whilst having a contraction!

"Me's no longer a horse, me's Freya the little girl"
After playing at being a horse

"Are you happy mummy?"
Again this is usually when I'm less than happy with her for being cheeky or have had to put my foot down!

"When you are sad, me and daddy will look after you and you will feel happy. Is that ok mummy?"
she said this as I sat in bed sobbing that my contractions had stopped after a whole day and I realised we wouldn't be meeting her little brother as soon as I'd hoped.
  
Me: "Please stop kicking me!"...she carries on, I gave her a look.
"Mummy I'm just kicking gently"
This is said with a sweet little smile

"Me wants to play my phone now"
Me: "err...you mean you want to play mummy's phone?"
Looks at me and slowly shakes her head
"It's my phone now mummy!"




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10 Apr 2014

Feeling like I've failed

I don't want to moan or go all woe is me because believe me, I know how lucky I am. Lucky to have what I have and lucky to be in the position of having got to this point.

It's just at the moment things are hard to cope with. I thought pregnancy and labour would be different this time. But it seems I'm not a woman who labours quickly or easily! So far my long and laborious build up to my baby's arrival makes me look and feel like a diva. I feel like a failure and an attention seeker, it's rubbish. Friends, family and neighbours ask what's going on and I can see them thinking 'just get on with it' or as some one said today "she does like to put on a performance and keep us all guessing.."

I probably watch too many 'One Born Every Minute' and read too many birth story's on other blogs. I really believed I might be luckier this time and things would progress quicker, you know cos I've popped one out before! I wanted to start labouring and ya know...continue with a trip to the maternity unit. Is that too much to ask?

As I sit and write this I'm a bundle of tiredness and tears. Having spent last night labouring from 2.30am, only for it to tail off at around 7am this morning. I'd go for about an hour of intense contractions coming every 6-8 minutes and then nothing for 20 minutes and a couple of biggies and then nothing, nothing, NOTHING! It's so start stop that I don't know where I am. During the day I've had a few 'reminder' sessions of contractions but that's all. I did similar earlier in the week but the pain is more acute and intense this time.

I don't care about the pain now as it's irrelevant and I realise I deal with it whilst it's there. It's more the excitement and adrenaline, the come down is awful. As I explain to hubby, it's like being invited to the best party in the world, finding the right outfit, spending ages agonising over getting dressed and arriving at what you thought was the start time, only to realise you've got the wrong day or someone won't let you in to the special club.

Also people assume I'm having Braxton's or tightenings like period pain. But these are proper breath through it contractions and no amount of paracetomol is going to take the edge off them. Last pregnancy I did three days of this protracted nonsense and put it down to having a sweep at my 40 week appointment when I wasn't ready to labour. It was mentally gruelling and by the time I got established I felt broken and unsure. 

This time I've had no intervention (today I turned down a sweep because I'm already uncomfortable enough) it seems it's just my body's way of doing things. It's worse now I've got a toddler in tow as well, I just can't give her the attention she needs whilst staying calm and relaxed for my body to do its job. I'm trying not to cry all the time but it's so frustrating.

I know it's getting me to the point I need to be - last time 6cm when I got to hospital. But some women can do that same journey in a couple of hours without all the extra 'will she, won't she' drama. It's difficult being in a state of limbo and although I'm booked in for an induction...that's not until Tuesday now.

I'm dreading night time because that's when it all ramps up. I'm desperately trying to stay calm and focused but it's so messed up that all I want to do is crawl into a ball and feel sorry for myself! When the contractions come I don't want to tell anyone because it's like I'm crying wolf each time!
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9 Apr 2014

Hormonal Musings - week 40

Well I'm almost hitting week 41, the midwife is due to ours tomorrow to give me a sweep and book my induction.


I hoped that by now I would have my lovely bundle of joy. It's getting harder to believe I'll actually have a baby at the end of this!

He has tried to escape and I've spent a couple of days having mild contractions but strong enough for hubby to stay home from work. By evening they had all but disappeared and the only upside is that I got a full nights sleep - well as full as you can get with large bump.

Bubba was five days over so I fully expected to go over again but this just feels like torment now. It's also harder second time around with a little helper keeping me busy.


I'm getting over my fear of childbirth and just really want my body back now and to hold a tiny baby. Not looking forward to the idea of squeezing a baby out but that's more because of the unknown and how it'll all pan out. I do find this whole process so strange, all these years of evolution and it's still all a bit vague and unknown.

I'm not feeling the love for the idea of an induction but only because I think the NCT last time scared our bunch of first time mothers all into believing that any intervention meant more intervention as you progress. But I guess if he isn't on his way without help then I need a little extra encouragement.

I've been eating and making a lot of cake so really will need to work it off afterwards as I'm getting a bit too used to it.

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Imperfect Perfection

There are certain things we like to project through blogs, twitter and Instagram. It sometimes makes for a false image of life and I know for one, I sometimes get caught up in thinking someone else has a better life and conditions than me. So here (in case anyone thinks I've got it too good...as if!!!) I want to expel some myths.

First up: I really don't love craft time, it's a pain as Bubba spends precisely five seconds 'creating' before leaving a mess and walking off. She doesn't really enjoy drawing or colouring...mainly she loves sticking - this usually involves walking around with a glue stick threateningly!

We sit on the sofa eating 'sticks' (rice cakes) and raisins whilst watching inappropriate tv like Spongebob. We watch too much tv...so shoot me!!!

Oh she also does this in front of Spongebob...

We tend to eat too much cake, it's been fuelling my diet the last few weeks and thus it's also now what bubba demands first thing in the morning!

Food (non cake related) is very hit and miss. I don't get much (any) vegetables into Bubba but she gets a chewy vitamin each day. I do put veg on her plate but it often gets ignored. I've given up trying to force her so we just go with it for now.

Bubba watches too many Play doh videos on my phone (we've moved on from those dreaded eggs being opened).  A new development is Equestrian girls rock band songs where she is starting to emulate the dance moves. It buys me some peace and quiet...bad I know but I also spend too much time on my phone.

We probably eat out more than we should, lunchtime I like going to Morrisons Cafe for lunch (I know, last of the high rollers eh!) or a local cafe. We probably should eat more at home during the day but I can't be bothered with the faff and Bubba tends to eat more when we go out!`

Oh I bribe her loads with chocolates or my new favourite, Haribo. The girl will comply with most things and negotiates hard for 'ones last sweet mummy!' It works out well at the moment.

We draw on feet...




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8 Apr 2014

My Girl

I'm lucky, I've found a girl who I can and will love for the rest of my life. She arrived early one Thursday morning and I spent the time I should have been sleeping, just staring....it's been the same ever since.


I couldn't and wouldn't leave her side and never will willingly. She makes me laugh, cry and fume at her antics but I wouldn't swap a moment we have together.

If she isn't with me it feels like a limb is lost. When she is asleep I can think of a million things to say to her when she wakes up. Oh and she can sleep anywhere and any how, she will literally power down regardless of the situation.


I can read her mood and my whole being in now focused on making sure her life is good. People always comment on her smile, when you get one it's a real corker and makes you feel special.

She loves to be animals and see animals and talk about animals. I think she thinks she is an animal!


She is fun to be around yet oh so annoying when she wants. She is very witty and knows how funny she can be. Her dress sense sometimes leaves a lot to be desired but she is quirky to the max.


She really stole my heart that morning she arrived in our lives and still does every single day and as we embark on a new stage of our lives I hope she knows she will always be my girl.
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3 Apr 2014

Three is the magic number...

Seriously it isn't! I was hoodwinked, led to believe that the terrible twos were the hardest part. Everyone mentions the twos but no one told me that three is so much harder.


I'm not sure if I just got lucky with the two's but we didn't really get many tantrums, never a public one and my girl could usually be talked around in most situations.

Three sucks - it really does and we are only about three weeks into it. My beautiful little best friend now seems to hate me and love me in equal measure. Before it was us against the world but now she shuns me, she will often refuse to cuddle me at bedtime or kiss me. She actively looks for an alternate and won't even look at me when she comes out of preschool. It's as if my mere presences is a huge disappointment to her and she always asks with hope in her voice "who are we going to meet now?"

I know this coincides with me being the size of a whale and unable to move as well as before. But it stings, she really stabs me in my weak hormonal heart most days and she knows she is doing it. She will argue a point with me and then sweetly conceed the exact same disagreement with anyone but me.

I've had a thrashing around tantrum in a cafe two weeks back. It's not easy to manhandle a three year old with this huge bump. All eyes were on us and it was because she wanted to see some ducks (& she was dressed as a crocodile at the time so we really stood out!). She was tired and fell asleep on the way home, I cried because it's not as easy to forget so easily.

At home daily she has a massive meltdown over small things such as putting her shoes on the wrong feet. She doesn't want my help but likes to take it out on me afterwards. She will do something she knows is wrong and then when I give disapproving looks or tell her off, she sweetly ask "are we still best friends?"

Life is soon to get harder and push us further apart when a more needy baby arrives. It's not something I'm looking forward to in the least.

Hubby recently compared me to Dylan - poor long suffering, scraggy Dyl.


He is loved, taken to bed every night and dribbled on. Yet he is the first to be discarded, stood on and left behind, without a backward glance. His legs are slightly baggy and his eyes look sad, he's seen better days...that's me, the human version, taken for granted and left behind unless she is ill. Then we both get a look in!
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2 Apr 2014

Book Buddy Review

Parragon Book Buddy Review

The latest book to arrive for us is 'Hold That Thought, Milton!' By Linda Ravin.

When I opened the envelope and skimmed through this book, my instant thought was 'bubba won't be keen on this'

I thought it might be too grown up for her and a little bit boyish and not a story with a strong message. How wrong was I!!

Since seeing it, she has demanded that it's read to her at least twice a day and she also likes flicking through it on her own just looking at the pictures (illustrated by Ross Collins).

It follows a boy called Milton who amidst the chaos of a family preparing for a wedding, loses his pet frog. No one has time to listen to him until everything comes to a head on the wedding day and his family have to listen.

I would say traditionally I would have picked this book more for a boy than a girl as it's got a sort of Horrid Henry vibe to it. But as mentioned above, my girl loves it so in future I might just go for more books like this.

For more information visit the Parragon Books facebook page.
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