2 May 2014

The Good and the Bad...

So I thought I was doing ok!

Yesterday I had to manhandle Bubba into preschool, she wanted me to stay. At home she shouted at me and saying she wanted to stay at home. So she clung to me like a limpet, in the pouring rain whilst we all got soaked outside preschool. I came home and cried because it suddenly feels difficult to manage two little people with completely different needs and wants.

She came out of preschool like an angry ball of toddler rage. She kicked me on the way back to the car, then tried to run off, in the car she screamed at me and kicked the car door...we got home and the rage carried on for a while longer and then we cuddled and she just sobbed for ten minutes in my arms. It was heartbreaking and I cannot begin to imagine what's going on in her little head.

We made a cake for daddy and life got back to normal.

I thought I was healing well!

This morning whilst gearing up for another tussle over preschool. I had a heavy bleed and suddenly I had flash backs to the labour room. After Cubs birth it all got a bit traumatic as they couldn't stop me bleeding and I had to have a trauma team work on me, followed by a four hour hormone drip. At the time it seemed horrific and painful after what had been a calm and controlled birth. But I was glad they worked on me so quickly and helped me so didn't want to dwell on it.

Until this morning that was, I literally fell apart with panic. Cub was screaming with a windy belly, Bubba was up to mischief. Luckily my mum came to the rescue and everything sorted itself out and I'm calm.

It's only two weeks in but it is so up and down. One moment I feel so overwhelmed and at other times I'm flying high and feel the luckiest girl alive. I'm beyond tired with a baby that wakes at 3.30am for a feed and then doesn't settle for over an hour, only for my toddler to wake up at 5.25am insisting she goes downstairs. 

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