12 Oct 2014

The Grind

I've written and scrapped this post several times as it just sounds like a whingefest. So I apologise in advance but thought it important to document the difficulties as well as the fun times.

I'm weary, tired and down right lost somewhere in this motherhood maze. I seem to turn a corner thinking "this shizzle isn't too bad, I can juggle this kid business" only to go three more steps and wonder why the hell I'm doing this and the children don't even seem to like me very much.

My preschooler has started big school nursery and I can feel her worry and tiredness seeping out the edges every day. The boy has decided he wants to be on the move but unfortunately hasn't got the ability yet. So he moans.all.the.time.

Sleep isn't on our side which always makes things feel worse. The boy wakes and we put the dummy back in, then Bubba wakes from a nightmare (seriously these darn things are regularly waking us all up). This is an ongoing situation.

I'm trying to loose weight and I'm now 1 stone 7lb lighter but it's getting harder to keep myself motivated. I often wonder what the point is and yeah I'll just have a bloody cupcake if I want one.

I feel rather inadequate, one of those 'am I good enough, does anyone like me, will my children learn the right things from me?' How am I supposed to teach them to love themselves when I'm making such a shambles of it.

How can I tell Bub to make friends at school when I struggle with the mums in the playground. A smile but chewing over in my brain 'how have these women got so much to say to each other?' 'Do they know each other'.

My mind is in overdrive and the grind is getting to me a bit. How do you cope with it? What can I do to get myself out the other side?
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