22 Dec 2014

Heartbreaking

I never realised that being the mother of a girl would be so emotional. As bubba gets older, things don't seem so simple any more, I watch her as she tries to navigate the changes.

When her forehead furrows and a flash of fear or indecision clouds her eyes, my instinct is to rush to her side, smooth out the changes with kind words and affection. I have to stand back and watch, I need to push her forward alone and tell her from a distance "It'll be alright, I promise"

But I can't promise really, there will be hurt, there will be fear and she will have to go it alone and find friends (or not) and venture out into the world without me.

I have a brave girl who when she falls, gets back up, dusts herself down and in her self deprecating way says "yeah I'm alright mummy"  When she had injections and cried with the shock, at home she was slightly more inconsolable when I told her she was brave "Me's not brave mummy, I cried" but I will explain when she understands more that being brave means crying is ok and as long as you get back up and dust yourself off and if you want it enough, try again you are brave.

She wants to make friends at school but can't understand that not everyone wants to be her friend or cares enough. I want to be her friend just to get make sure she doesn't get hurt, I'm starting to realise I can't make everything ok any more. I don't know how we will navigate the teenage years seeing as I'm already struggling with her being only 3!


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