31 Dec 2014

Out with the old...

I'm not usually one to ponder on things that have past (especially when it's been difficult) but I had the urge to think and write.

2014 was a year of changes for me, I started the year very pregnant and apprehensive about the year ahead. I had a few blips with emotions and was genuinely terrified of child birth the second time around.

By the time I went into labour with my boy, I needn't have worried, my body (& me) stood up to the challenge and he arrived on gas and air alone. I've not really written too much about it but it all got a bit scary after that and I ended up loosing a fair bit of blood, a crash team got sent in and I had a doctor and four midwives working on me all at the same time. It was a blur of cannula's, monitors beeping and pain. I watched as my mum held my newborn son and I clinged on desperately to my also terrified husband wondering if I'd ever hold my boy again. It was the biggest shock to my system and not the best start but I am and will forever be so grateful for those women who got me through a potentially life threatening situation. They did what they had to do and they did it fast.

It's harrowing to think about but on the flip side it wouldn't put me off having another baby and I hope it wouldn't put anyone else off. I don't like those pregnancy and childbirth scaremongers who tell you their bad experience. It was what it was and that's that (no scaremongering here ladies).

My boy and I are both doing well now and I fall a bit more in love with my babies every day. Even on the bad days, they still having me counting my blessings.

It was also the year my girl started nursery school and loved it. So much so that she cried at christmas because she wanted to go to school. After the turmoil of nursery and preschool, it's such a relief and she is really flourishing.

We weren't without sadness too, my nan (& last remaining grandparent) sadly passed in her nineties. In the last part of her life, dementia cruelty took her from us and she never got to meet my boy. I took him to see her soon after he was born but she wasn't really in there and the sparkle in her eyes had disappeared. I do hope she knew he was there as she would have delighted in getting to know him.

I also underwent a transformation and have lost over two stone. My body has changed drastically and I have had to invest in new clothes and a new attitude. I think like a skinny bitch now and it's weird to get used to.

So where exactly am I going with all this? Well if 2014 was a year of change then I want 2015 to be all about strength. I want a stronger body that is lean and efficient. A stronger mind that is focused and to be strong for my family in whatever comes their way too.

I have to be strong because I am starting work in the next few weeks and my boy is off to nursery. It's going to be a juggling act with Bubba also at nursery school but I'm looking forward to work again. I need strength because I keep torturing myself thinking that I may miss out on a vital part of my boys development. What if he starts crawling at nursery or eats a new food for the first time? A stranger (who cares but not in the way I do) might get to see the milestones. Every time I think about it, it makes me cry, I was lucky to see Bubba's firsts but I don't have that luxury this time around.

My girl will start school full time too, a full day where I won't know what she's up to. I'm excited for her and look forward to  finding out what she learns (& teaches us).

So I joined a movement called Embrace Happy where we share and record our blessings each day. It's easy to find three things to be thankful about, even on the worst days. Do pop along and follow on Instagram as it's such a brilliant idea or visit the website, it's truly a game changer of an idea.

So please do love those you are with, count your blessings and find yourself a word to guide you through next year.

It's all about Strength for me xx

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