6 Feb 2015

Back To Work

I've just returned to work after having 9 months maternity leave and I'm finding life a bit tough.

We are three week in to our new schedule and I'm still not used to it yet. My day used to get going at 8.15am when I bundled bubba and cub out the door to do the school run.

Now cub and I leave the house at 7.30am, I drive him to nursery which is a five to ten minute journey in the car (depending on traffic). I drop him off at 7.45am at nursery to have his breakfast and I make the journey to work (fifteen minutes in the car). Hubby takes Bubba to school and goes onto the station from there. I work from 8am until 11.15am for three days a week, I then jump in the car and pick up Bubba from school nursery.

We then get back in the car and go back in the direction I've just come to pick up cub after he's eaten his life. Then all three of us go back the way we've just been to get home for around 12 noon and I make lunch for us girls and the boy has a biscuit or two.

I'm finding the scramble the hardest work, all I seem to do is watch the clock to make sure I'm not late to pick anyone up. All the driving is wearing as well and having to strap and unstrap the kids in and out multiple times a day.

I know I'm lucky to be able to do the hours I am and my boss (my dad) is really understanding but I'm not sure I'd be able to go back if I didn't work for family because three hours work isn't really ideal. I also do one hour a week at home for the accounts which can also be a bit of a juggle with kids around and by the evening I am so exhausted (the kids aren't sleeping) that it takes me twice as long to complete.

I'm also torn as I now get that Sunday feeling (which I've been lucky not to have before as I really do enjoy my job and working for and with my dad), it feels completely wrong to be leaving my children, especially my boy as he seems too little. He doesn't really know what's going on and can't understand being left, Bubba loves school and I do feel happy and relaxed at leaving her.

I get a knot of anxiety at leaving him and as his care worker takes him from my arms I want to weep and cry out that I don't want to leave him yet. As soon as I drive away from Nursery, knowing he is having his breakfast and I get to be me for three hours. It's a weird mix of feelings knowing that I want to go to work as well as need to go to work financially.

I'm hoping that as we get used to the routine and by the time Bubba is in school full time this year things will get easier and I can work more hours to actually make it more viable.
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