15 Feb 2015

Here I sit

We used to find it easy putting Bubba to bed, we followed a routine that worked really well; bath, book & milk and then bed.

This was how it went for a couple of years and I'd be downstairs again eating my dinner by 7.30pm. If she was unwell it sometimes went a bit wonky but on the whole I was fairly smug.

Then she hit her threenager year and her brother arrived on the scene and boom! It all went out the window.

Crying would commence when I suggested it was time to head upstairs. Exclations of "but sleeping is boring mummy". After coercion and mild threats She'd then dawddle her way through getting her jimjams on, choosing books and drinking milk. Whichever way she could try and stall bedtime she would.

Then came the "I want the light left on" so we got her a night light. Sometimes "I need water" would be a last ditch attempt at not sleeping. The "I want someone to stay in my room" followed which would result in a mighty meltdown if challenged. I slowly weaned her off this and eventually made my way out of her room over a week to where I would be sat on the stairs.

Recently this slipped again and I'm back to sitting in her doorway whilst she goes to sleep which at the moment takes about five to ten minutes before she is fully asleep. I've been rather indulgent of late and faithfully sit there. I just don't have the energy (what with neither child sleeping that well presently) and also I'm really aware of how quickly time is slipping away from us. There will come a time that I'm not privy to every thought she has and she won't want me close. I'm on borrowed time and it's actually nice to take ten minutes to sit and listen to everything and nothing all at once. From her door I can hear both children snuffling themselves into dream land, I can hear silence beyond my watch tower. A silence that hasn't been there all day, it provides me with time to pause. I can think of things I want to do, how exhausted I feel and how lucky I am.

It's probably not too long before I loose a little of my magic, when school starts properly I won't be the most important influence, there will be friends, teachers and new things she's learnt that will supersede me.

So for now, if you want me at half past seven, I'll be here, sat waiting for my baby to fall asleep. How bad can that be!
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