9 Mar 2015

Childbirth is the easy bit...

Yes I know, childbirth is painful and sometimes long! I, with both my babies, had long and painful days of early labour and then in established labour for six hours. With my second baby I had complications afterwards that could have been very hairy scary.

But still...I think it was the easy bit.

I hadn't thought beyond actually having the baby and the sleepless nights for the first year. I didn't really factor in that the small bundle of soft squidgy loveliness  would turn into a child, then small adult and then would leave me as a fully fledged woman. It hadn't occurred to me that she would (or could) answer me back and roll her eyes at me (which she totally does) as if I was the most stupid person in the world. I didn't think that at four she would still wake me up at night or not eat food I'd cooked. Or that she would grow up!

This, right now, is terrifying and the fact I can't control time and stop the years rushing past us gives me panic attacks. My baby is a few days away from being four. How the hell did that happen!

I want to bottle the feeling of her small arms around my neck, the way she smiles at me and the fact that I'm still (just) the most important person in the world to her.

We are on borrowed time as come September she will be in school full time. I can hardly believe it, I'm trying to plan things for us to do and I'm increasingly become a soft parent thinking to myself "oh well, soon she won't want me there" when she grabs my hand or climbs all over me.

I don't want her to grow up but equally I can't wait to see the beautiful woman she will become. She is my biggest learning curve, she changed my body and mind beyond recognition and is still to date my greatest achievement. She teaches me new things every day whether that's being a bit more patient or how to do things better next time.

She is beyond amazing and for me, better than chips (and believe me most days I would eat my own arm off to get chips!)
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