8 May 2015

If only...

We live in a society where we are fed through a variety of media channels the idea of perfection. Things are just not enough being 'ok' these day's and I must admit I'm a bad offender in the 'if only' category.  I always assume every one else is having more fun, getting more done and giving back more that I do. I see a photograph of a family on a day out at the weekend whilst we are pottering around the house and feel guilty that we aren't doing more.

My internal voice is always saying "well if only you lost weight, earned more money, looked prettier, had a bigger audience for your blog..." Insert all manor of if only a here because I could go on and on and on.

But you know what, even if I had all those things it still wouldn't be enough. I lost 2 1/2 stone and reached a weight goal a few weeks ago that I thought would make me feel like I'd made it. I'm really happy but now my if only has shifted to "if only I could tone up" because the mile stone I thought was where I wanted to be just didn't seem enough and my clever body has left me with a mummy tummy as a reminder of what it managed to do.

'If only' is such a damaging saying and my love of Instagram doesn't help, a glossy view of life is shown (by all of us both consciously and unconsciously) as you don't tend to take pictures of the messy room but rather the piece of cake arranged nicely and photographed from above on the lovely tablecloth. It's easy not to see the background of a scene, a person and a family.

I often feel ashamed that I feel lacking in some areas and can't just enjoy what I have, when I have it. I'm beyond lucky and blessed and there is always someone else who has less but is enjoying life more. My little family is incredible in every way and one day I will look back and think 'wow I had it all back then'.

But look at these faces - no one is looking in the right direction, all I can see are my faults and my babies are moments away from trying to wriggle off my lap. Despite all the imperfections, this is one of my favourite photo's as it's what my little family is all about.

So I for one am going to try and upload a few more photographs that aren't showing the best of the best but just the normal, every day life. I'm going to also try and keep it real on here too and be as honest as I can about motherhood and being a woman. Cos this is the only life I have and I'm very lucky to have all that I do....what if I just try and enjoy it more without looking over my shoulder to see what I'm missing. What if...that makes my life richer than I realise

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