3 Jun 2015

Dandelion Wishes

I watch as she picks a dandelion and I have to remind her to blow and not suck at the tiny white fluffy stems. They take to the sky, catching on the breeze and again I have to remind her.

"Bubs, don't forget to make a wish"

Her smooth little forehead creases as she thinks and she smiles, her curls dance around her cheeks, also lifting in the warm air.

"Mummy, I wish that..."

"Sshh bubs don't tell me, it won't come true otherwise"

She smiles shyly at me and then she's off and running down the garden, chasing those little dreams floating in the air. Her laughter and delight spilling out as she goes, her little brother trying to propel himself of my lap in a vain attempt to join in this wonderful game.

I too made a wish and thought about hopes and dreams for my babies. Watching her little legs racing around I want so much for them in this life, more than even I can comprehend. I dream of who she'll become and how she will change, of the places they both will go and the delights to be found.

She often tells people that when she is five soon (she's only just turned four) she'll do this or that...it changes every day. Most people respond with 'don't wish your time away' and it's true, she's desperate to be a big girl. I want her to stay little forever.

I too have been wishing time away lately as I've sat in a dark room willing the boy to go to sleep or sitting on the stairs waiting for bubba to go to sleep. I must stop. 

I've got frustrated, thinking I can't wait until I no longer have to sit here, when they can sleep without help. So I can go off and do some of the other things on my ever growing list. It must be soon that they'll give me a little time to stop and think, be present in my own life, listen to my own brain and be still. Won't it be great when they don't wake and instantly think of waking me, a chance to sleep properly....

It's bittersweet as I too have been told not to wish it away, this is the time, the moment that I will long for when they have grown and started a life of their own. They won't remember these baby days where mummy watched over them, sat with them and soothed their worries. But I will, as I look in empty rooms or rattle around in a house that feels too quiet and too big. I'll make another wish, one that involves snuggles with soft podgy babies and little girls that seemingly can't stop moving. A fidget that doesn't stop talking and smiling and wishing she was a big girl. I'll remember that my wish came true many years before and how lucky I was.

I won't tell you my wish now, in case it doesn't come true but I'm wishing and dreaming and I'll find all the dandelions I can, hoping it comes true.
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