9 Jul 2015

This one girl

This little girl taught me to smile even before she arrived. I'd hear her heart beat or see her on the screen and I'd look in wonderment and dream of the ways my life would change. A small flutter turned into a swift kick from a perfectly formed miniature foot and already she was making her mark on me, taking a piece of my heart.

Little did I know that this one girl would change me totally. I've become a better me because of her, I'm learning all the time with her and she makes me look at the world through different eyes every single day. I watch her sometimes, happily playing and can't quite believe I/we got so lucky.

Today this little person had her first induction at 'big school' and I anxiously watched her go in. The excitement was brimming over in her which was magical to watch but my heart felt stretched, I ached to go back to having my baby again...just one more hold, one more nuzzle of her perfect little neck. For it to all uncomplicate itself and to not let her go.

She sees me as a constant, I see her as more transient, flying and soaring above me on wild adventures. It makes me smile at the thought of her experiencing a wonderful life. But my heart pulls even further apart. I can't quite remember her growing up, it happened in the blink of an eye. Pictures of a cute and dinky toddler replaced with a long limbed cheeky smiling mini adult.

Sometimes she drives me to distraction with her moaning and whining but my love never falters. If anything I love her more, she's feisty and strong willed yet can be the sweetest girl. I can see the trauma of adolescence ahead and the terrible threes behind us and right now I want to stop time.

I want to put this girl in a glass jar and never let her grow up, keep her like tinkerbell. But I can't and won't, our journey shall be long and magical...she'll always be my baby girl...always 

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