28 Jan 2016

A love like no other...

Looking at my watch I know I won't make it home for bedtime, for either of my babies.

I've known it all day as I sat at a conference and I'm now sitting on a train. My baby boy will be in bed now and hopefully in a happy slumber. My big girl will be heading up to read books and ask lots of questions any minute.

I feel like weeping, I've only missed bedtime a handful of times and I don't like it. It feels the most unnatural thing in the world and if I could have one wish, any wish, it's to be home right now stroking my baby girls hair and kissing the top of her head.

When I'm at home and do the bedtime routine every night I sometimes feel like it's Groundhog Day. I sigh and think of all those people still out and enjoying their evenings or wanting to mix it up every now and again.

But the truth is, it's the best bit of my day. I get to make sure my little people are safe and happy, tiredly tucked up tight in bed.

I'm lucky to feel their heavy little limbs drape around me as I cuddle them. They try to resist the tiredness but don't quite manage it.

It's not a forever thing, I'm very aware that one day I won't have to carry them to bed, tuck them in and read a story. It's one of those bittersweet parenting moments.

You spend your whole time waiting and watching for them to grow up...then they do it without you realising and the things you took for granted like cuddles and bottles of milk and bedtime stories suddenly disappear.

I want to be at home and hushing my baby girl as she over excitedly talks. Trying to calm her active mind whilst reminding her that her baby brother is asleep.

I want to hear about the school playground squabbles and to get her uniform ready for tomorrow. I need to remind her to clean her teeth and pick a book.

I wonder what book she'll pick tonight?

For now I'm on a fast train whizzing through the dark and the first thing I'll do when I get home?

Creep into their rooms and quietly apologise to their little snoring bodies.

"Sorry mummy didn't make it home for bedtime. I missed you. I promise that I'll be here when you wake up"
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