12 Apr 2016

Almost Two...the second time around

I watch you whilst you fall asleep, I've sat on the floor next to your cot marveling at how you are changing. You still drift off like a baby, all scrunched up with you bottom in the air.

You are still my baby, just. Now you are turning into a little boy, you will be two this week.

I keep feeling emotional, thinking you are my last baby and you are slipping through my fingers. Your hair is growing longer and I still breathe in the soft blonde loveliness when I get the chance. You can now reach up and grab things from a table that was once so far away for you and you do it with ease. Clothes have to be replaced now and we are on to big boy shoes rather than the first walkers, I can't keep up.

Your eyes are blue, bright blue unlike ours which changed to steely blue, as has Bubba's. Those eyes look at me and for me still but it won't be long until like your sister, those eyes will give me that sort of pleading look, a sort of 'can I mum? Can I go off with the others?' and just like I do with your sister, I'll smile and give an encouraging nod. My heart will scream "stop! Stop them growing up, stop them from not needing me and thinking I'm the whole world"

But I can't stop you growing and changing and I wouldn't want to but a little bit of me mourns. Knowing I won't hold another little baby of my own, I will before I know it, wave you off to school with as much nonchalance as I can muster. The days and long nights (when your teeth are playing you up) drag but the years, well they are just whooshing past in a blur.

Two years since I had a stop, start labour and wondered after two weeks of being overdue if you'd ever make an appearance. Then longing to hold you whilst I was in trouble and not being able to hold you as the team of doctors and nurses worked on me. I just wanted my baby...in my arms.

It's still the case, once I've got you snuggled up on my lap or I'm holding you after nursery pick up, I breathe out. All is calm and all is right, regardless of whether you are screaming the house down or annoying your sister.

Words tumble from your mouth now and you are very adventurous. Slightly haphazard at times and will probably be the class clown. You enjoy making us all laugh. As we launch ourselves at the terrible twos I can't help but want to bottle this time and all the naive cuteness that is you. You will be terrible I'm very certain of that but you will also have lots of funny moments and make me proud.

You seem so young but you are growing fast, you love cars and lorries and planes and we spot them where ever we go - your shouts of glee when you see one "Look!...LOOK!" It's such a different experience having a little boy and I'm so grateful that I got the opportunity.

Let's get these Terrible Two's underway shall we....

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