29 Jul 2016

The Motherhood Manual

The nuts and bolts of motherhood are strange little things. A once tight coiled spring of togetherness is starting to unwind, not that you'd notice and some days it's tighter than others but sometimes it loses a little bit of tension. My first born can happily leave my side and venture off without so much as a look behind to see if I'm still there. It smarts occasionally and a different coil tightens but it's natural, it's what I'm doing it all for. She needs to be free.

A bolt of love that I managed to screw so tightly in the beginning when I was all she needed is slackened with age. Again it's not visibly to the naked eye but there is a slight wobble where once it held fast. It's allowing other bolts to take some of the pressure and share the loads. It's understandable as there is so much love surrounding it, that it's only fair. 

A washer of jealousy spins ever so slightly when I'm not the first to be noticed, when she prefers the glint of her daddy's love. I try hard to stop it showing  and it's a very minor part but if over looked it can unhinge another seemingly strong area. It's something I need to protect, just as unassumingly as possible.

The thread of tiredness sometimes slips as it gets wound and over tightened. Some days it feels the same one gets pushed to its limits only for it, the next day, to slide effortlessly and grip on all the right ideas. Those moments I live for and know I'm doing the right things.

But I've got to remember, I'm building a strong structure, I have built a future of brightness and I'll continue to work on the areas that need it. So far so good, I've followed the instructions and created a good foundation, now just got to make sure she's happy to stand alone every now and again.

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